Monday, January 17, 2011
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
One in 20 children experience the death of one or both of their parents before they turn 15.
Yet despite these astounding statistics, few general resources exist on how to help grieving
children. This Guide to Children and Grief is intended to provide an introduction to issues
common to grieving children.
You will learn:
• how children grieve differently than adults
• what to say and do to help grieving children
• where to find additional resources to help you and the child
This guide is intended to help the parents, teachers, friends, and mentors who provide
comfort and support during a child's grieving process.
Grief is a natural, healthy human process for recovering after a major loss. Although the
experience of grief is difficult, it's crucial for emotional growth. Like any suppressed
emotional response, unreconciled grief can have significant negative effects. As a
responsible, caring adult, your task is important: allow the child or children to fully
experience and learn from their grief."
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
I went to see the Dr. at 7 1/2 weeks, blood work was all good, had an ultrasound the next day. No heartbeat, but the baby was measuring right on. My HcG levels were on the rise, not doubling like they wanted but significantly increasing. I went back at 9 weeks and it was obvious the baby had died.
The crazy thing about all this is that I spent the first weeks knowing something was wrong when in all reality the baby was growing right on schedule. Even though the Dr. called and said, "It looks like the good Lord is answering your prayers", I knew it wasn't going to be "okay". Okay is such a relative term, isn't it?
I didn't start miscarrying until 12 weeks. Many have judged this decision, but this is what I had peace with. I wouldn't change it. I had been down this path before and just prepped myself for what the day would hold. This was not the same path. Four hours into my miscarriage I began to hemorrhage. Within minutes I was on the verge of passing out. We rushed to the ER (praise the Lord it is across the street). I had to have an emergency D & C. I found with all the trauma it was very hard to grieve and process things the way I had last time.
Why can things never happen the same way twice. The actually physical loss and emotional loss were all so different this time. I felt God's presence and all-surpassing peace with Abijah. I spent weeks praying for strength, wisdom and peace and felt nothing. I am not big on living your life based on "feelings". My Savior is not a "feeling". He is my Father, who wants to help me grow and become the person He has intended. I felt anger this time. I felt abandoned. I sat at His feet completely surrendered and yet "felt" like I received nothing.
Things just don't happen the same way twice. I am here today wanting to pull a 3 Stooges moment. You know the one. One of the goofs does something stupid and the other pokes him in the eyes or whatever quirky thing they do. I want to smack my self upside the head and yell " HELLO Mrs. Obvious".
I have said a lot of prayers in my life and been able to see His answer or at least look back and see it. I have sat around begging Him for the peace my heart desired. Guess what? I MISSED IT! I realized I don't feel the same because I am not the same. I have grown in Him so much since I lost Abijah. He has always given me what I needed. So I sat there on my bed, begging him and then realizing the way I "feel" is because He has already provided the peace. How can you miss the thing you are praying for the hardest?
With Abijah we wanted to name him, bury him, remember him. I sit here not wanting any of those things. They seem too hard. Is is because I did those things that dealing with my loss of Abijah was harder? Will not doing those things guard my heart? Will not doing them cause regret? Oh, how I have tried to keep myself guarded. Seriously, if you keep yourself separated does it make the loss any less? NO WAY! You just find yourself burying these feelings you need to deal with. What can't things happen the same way twice? I would have been so much more prepared for everything. What do I do?
I smile. I smile at the ways God brings you answers. I smile at the life He gives.........and takes away. I smile at the heart of a child. A 7 year old boy whose heart is so understanding. He knows God's greatness and senses it with everything in him. To have faith like a child. We all need it. I sat sobbing in hurt and anger, screaming questions to my Father, praying, surrendering, falling, failing, guarding. I gained my composure long enough to answer the knock from my 7 year old. Trying to not let on that I wasn't okay.
"Mom, I picked a name for the baby."
"You did? I don't think we are going to name the baby."
"That is our baby, we have to name it"
"Okay bud, what did you pick?"
"Israel, it could be for a boy or a girl"
I smiled, hugged him and told him it was a great name and he left the room. Then I looked up and said "Seriously? Israel? Is that Your attempt at making point? Point taken." For those of you who don't know the meaning of the name Israel, it means "wrestled with God". I sat there on my bed just broken. I knew very well that was exactly where I was, spiritually, that day. I knew His plan, I trusted His plan, I just needed to be reminded I guess.
Well, there is my story for now. May my "Israel" bring me closer to Him. Please pray for me. Pray for my recovery ( I lost ALOT of blood) physically and pray for me emotionally. I know I will get through it, I have done it before. In all honesty it has been easier in so many ways this time but I still need your prayers. Any prayers, recommendations or testimony you want to offer would be much appreciated by myself and anyone else who may come to this blog. Have a blessed day in the Lord.
"He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away. My heart will choose to say, blessed be Your Name"
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Over the past 2 years I have had opportunity after opportunity to minister with those who have experienced the loss of a baby. After 2 years I can look back and see the healing path I have taken. I will always miss Abijah. After crying out for so long for God to fill this void in my heart, He has. I have grown more dependant on Him and less on others and myself. The piece of my heart that was broken he has mended. It still aches at times, but I can still feel His overwhelming peace. After all, when you break a bone and it heals, doesn't the rain still make it ache. It does for me.
I can actually say I have found joy in my circumstance. He has taken something sad and hurtful and used it for good. My prayer is that this may provide you with some encouragement as you continue to face your days without your baby. May God grant us peace as we continue to find our new normal. We wait for the day when we will be made fully whole in Him who has given us life.
Monday, November 24, 2008
So, as the holidays approach us I would just like to share this with you. Her words are always so encouraging to me. Her little boy, Caden, died due to the same thing my niece, Jael, did (bilateral renal agenesis).
Thank you Carlson Crew for sharing your story.